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Summer fashion

Posted by marriedflirt on 2006.05.30 at 22:40
Ladies, if you have not yet discovered the power of a skirt, tanned bare legs, and sandals you must immediately do so.

I only just started wearing skirts last summer. Before that I was always a tomboy sort of girl. I lived in low rise jeans and baby tees. Then one day I started noticing I wasn't looking so hot in this get-up. I was older and my metabolism had slowed down. Suddenly after 30 years, my body had started getting, uh, curvy. So I consulted a fashion expert.

The fashion expert was my friend K. Now, K. puts a lot of thought into these matters and she explained to me that once your metabolism starts slowing down you HAVE to start dressing like a woman. The tomboy look is fine for when you have a boyish figure--but skirts and dresses are made for a body with curves, and once you start getting--er, more voluptuous, you shouldn't fight it: you should WORK it.

So I started wearing skirts. (Not mini skirts. God no--The point was to cover my thighs!) But not long hippie skirts either. No, skirts that hit right around the knee, with bare (tanned!) legs and sexy little sandals usually with a low heel. And I've noticed something: Men cannot keep their eyes off the legs! It's like an uncontrollable impulse. It's actually kind of funny. Sometimes at work, when I'm wearing the whole skirt en-sem and I have to lead a male client to my bosses' office, I will peek back behind me, and, yup, their eyes are totally on the legs.

I listened to an interview once about a woman who had a sex change (to male) and the first thing she had to do was start getting injections of testosterone. It was really interesting hearing her describe the emotional (not physical) changes she went through. One of the changes she mentioned was that suddenly she was getting massively turned on by, like, body parts. Even ankles. She was saying, before the testosterone injections, she would look at another woman and think 'oh, she looks interesting, I'd like to talk to her, get to know her better' but after the testosterone it was like she'd just look at some body part on a woman, she didn't even have to be her type, and suddenly just totally want to fuck her. There was nothing mental about it--it was all just visual.

After hearing that, I felt like I had some insight into what makes men tick. They really are different creatures from us. Their hormones make them behave like assholes. Poor things, they can't help themselves. Can we blame them for this? (Well, yes, we can, in fact, we do, and some behaviors cannot be condoned, but hey, we can still have a little fun exploiting their weaknesses, right? )

So, anyway, all this skirt talk is leading up to: Last Friday I went to lunch by myself. I was working the skirt thing. The waiter was very attentive and brought me a free appetizer because he said 'my food was going to take longer than usual'--it didn't, in fact it came right out. Then when I was done he asked me if I wanted dessert. I said no, but a second later he comes back with a big ass cookie and says 'I insist you have something' in this really husky bedroom voice. And that was free too. So I ate my cookie, paid up, gave him a really nice tip, and that was that. So why all the special attention? I'm telling you--IT WAS THE SKIRT. I KNOW THESE THINGS.

WEAR THE SKIRT.

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